Orange Soda
by sharkinterviewee
Summary: Jake and Amy talk about Orangina and orange soda again. Basically a lot of cuddling while opening up about emotions and what not. - With accepting love and accepting help, Jake thinks about how of all the people to learn life lessons from, Amy and Holt were pretty good teachers.
"Jake, look at me," she ordered before pulling his face back to hers. Times like these he'd just brush everything off like nothing emotional could ever apply to him with an internalized scoff. Just ignore the words and shake his head when they hit too close to home.

They were in the middle of enjoying some post sex cuddling when started bringing up that he didn't deserve her like he did from time to time, and when she challenged that notion and got into serious talking mode he turned his head to stare off at the ceiling. A lot of his sweet talk was about how she was too good for him, but she didn't like him saying that. Amy didn't like to hear him talking about himself like that. Some people talked about not deserving someone else to be romantic, but Jake actually thought that was true. That he didn't deserve Amy. And he was wrong about that.

So even though his arm was still wrapped around her, she placed her hand on his cheek and dragged his way too honest eyes back to hers so she could tell him how wrong he was.

"You have a destructive nature. Whenever you start being happy with another person, you're never able to just let yourself be happy and that's what ends up ruining it. Because you don't think you deserve to be happy. You don't think you deserve to be in a happy relationship. But you're wrong. You of all people deserve to be happy. And your destructive nature comes into play because when you think you don't deserve something you can't be idle until you're back to what you think you deserve. Loneliness. But you're wrong about what you deserve. You deserve to be happy, and you deserve to let yourself be happy. You deserve to be loved and you owe it to yourself to let yourself feel loved. Be happy about being loved, not guilty."

"Amy, what, I don't – I don't do that," he denied in his shrill voice that he always fell back on when he was getting defensive in heavy conversations. Like he couldn't even imagine why she would think that, though in reality they both knew exactly why she thought that.

"You do," she nodded easy without even attempting to beat around the bush. She had accepted Jake and the mess he was with emotions a long time ago, he just hadn't accepted it himself yet. "You've got some deep seated issues, babe."

"I'm awesome," he said like it was actually a proper argument that had a hope of winning, even though it wasn't even up for argument. When he could see Amy wasn't convinced he dug himself deeper into his poorly planned defense of non-feelings. "I'm awesome. I know I'm awesome. I wouldn't do that to myself cause I know how awesome I am. So awesome, all the way through. Just the awesomest. I'm the best."

"Jake, I thought we were finally getting somewhere that time," she moaned and buried her head in his shoulder.

"Where?"

"Whenever I try to talk about emotions right when something hits too close to home you always launch into a defense of how awesome you are and how high your self esteem is and how conceited people don't try to sabotage their life and relationships, and then you try to convince me of how conceited you are. But really you're just trying to convince yourself when you say it out loud. Because I know you're a good person, and I know all of your mess of issues, and whenever I try to talk to you about them you say out loud to me that you don't have them, but the out loud stuff is really just you trying to convince yourself and using me as an excuse to say it out loud for yourself to hear."

Jake was silent for a few long moments at that. Just tracing circles on her arm in the quiet and she closed her eyes and curled into his warmth. Even though it was frustrating when he wanted to pretend that he didn't have a multitude of issues, she was glad she got to hold onto him when he was doing it. Be close to him.

"Okay, fine," he gave in, or really just gave her permission. "Talk at me. No conceited interrupting. I'll just listen and you tell me all about my issues. No defensiveness. Just listening."

"Really?" Amy asked doubtfully with a raised eyebrow.

"Yup."

She considered his offer with a wary look and waited for him to take it back or tell her he was just joking, but he didn't do anything of the sort, so she decided to take him up on his offer before he would change his mind.

"I'm pretty glad none of your past relationships worked out, because if they did that would mean you'd be lying in bed with someone else right now instead of me," Amy admitted as she settled back into him so her head was resting on his chest and her eyes were closed. Sometimes it was easier for him. Her being wrapped up with him and their legs entangled but not actually staring him down was a comfort she was more than willing to provide. Just to be with him, beside him. "My previous relationships haven't worked out either, cause we're supposed to be together. Took us awhile to realize that, but we're here now. You and me. It's never worked cause it's only supposed to work with you and me. And I'm so happy now, cause I know this is where I was always supposed to end up. Waking up beside you. Loving you. You loving me. This is it. And you have a lot of trouble accepting love, so we're gonna work on that together cause you deserve to be loved and you deserve to be happy, and you still can't see that. You make me so happy, Jake. I wanna make you happy too."

"You do make me happy, Amy. You always make me happy. I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life when I'm with you. You can't make me any happier than I am right now cause it's impossible for a person to be happier than you make me every day. I love you. And I like that you love me too. I don't want that to change. I don't want you to stop doing that."

Jake exhaled deeply in an uncharacteristic display of emotions. Just a shuddering breath released from his lungs and Amy stayed silent in case he wanted to say more. Sometimes it seemed like Jake would never shut up in normal, everyday life- but in their home life together sometimes he quieted up and let the air fill with silence. And sometimes she had to just wait for him to fill the silence again. If she were to respond whenever he stopped talking in times like these, he wouldn't interrupt and would gladly let her fill the silence.

A lot of times she would respond immediately and say comforting words back, but times like these she would let it stay quiet. She let Jake decide if he wanted to be quiet with her, or if he wanted to fill it with sounds and words. But she was always right beside him.

It wasn't ever really silence anyways. If it wasn't words it was listening to each other's breaths and heart beats, the hum of the city on the streets outside the window. So silence wasn't right. It was more like soft sound. Together.

"You make me happy. I don't want you to stop loving me. I don't know why you think I'm trying to make you hate me or something cause that'd be a stupid thing to do," he chuckled good-naturedly as he kissed the top of her head.

"That's not what I'm saying, and duh you're not trying to make me hate you. But sometimes when I say I love you, you start talking about deserving people, and saying I deserve someone better than you. What's that all about then?"

"I dunno, Ames. Sometimes I'm just back to thinking about Orangina and orange soda again. And when I'm thinking about that again, and in that frame of mind again- I'm not trying to convince you of anything. I'm just telling you how orange soda I am, cause you still don't see that I'm orange soda yet. I don't want it to be six months down the line and you wake up one morning and you're taken by surprise when it finally hits you and you realize that I've been orange soda all my life and all I'm ever gonna be is orange soda."

"Jake, I know you," she assured him before kissing him on the cheek. "I know you're orange soda. And I love orange soda."

Amy gave him a sweet smile but he gave her a pointed look in response.

"You say it's the most disgusting thing you've ever tasted."

"Hey, you're the one who brought the metaphor back into play, not me. Literally, my taste buds in my mouth don't like how sugary the drink tastes. In the metaphor, I love you. And I know you. I know everything there is to know about you, and all your embarrassing secrets too. I know you have every Taylor Swift CD hidden in the back of your DVD case," she teased and it earned her a full blown smile from him. "I know you, and I love you. I love who you are. I love everything you are, Jake. And in the weird soda metaphor I know what you taste like and I love how sugary you taste. I know you're full of high fructose corn syrup and artificial flavors, and I'm positive if I ever heart attack it's gonna be you related, but I still love you. _And_ I still love you. I still wanna drink like 15 bottles of you a day. I know you're orange soda, and I really, really like orange soda. I wouldn't be here if you weren't orange soda, cause you're the best thing I've ever tasted. You're like orange soda deluxe. You taste better than classic orange soda, Orangina, Fanta, Coke, Pepsi, Sprite, lemonade, coffee, hot chocolate, margaritas... you get the point. You're the best thing I've ever tasted. I know you're orange soda, Jake. I love orange soda. I love you."

Jake's smile only grew and grew through her whole drawn out spiel and he didn't have a hope of containing it cause by the end she got to see his toothy grin that was on her list of top 5 expressions to see from her boyfriend. Like he was so happy he was gonna burst at the seams.

"You sound addicted," he joked and pulled her in for a sugary sweet kiss.

"I probably am. I'm gonna go through withdrawals if I ever go too long without seeing your face. Too long without kissing your face."

Amy kissed his forehead, then his nose, followed by both cheeks, lastly his chin and he started laughing like she was a total dork, which was true. She was a total dork. A total dork whose favorite drink was orange soda.

"I'm hooked. You've made a life long addict out of me, Jake Peralta. Hope you're happy."

"Yup. I am. So very happy."

* * *

When they got up for breakfast that morning Jake poured himself a tall, heaping glass of orange soda to eat with his cereal. Amy had some toast and orange _juice_ like any sane, functioning member of society would. Even though Orangina tasted way better than his favorite brand, soda still wasn't on the list of things to drink at breakfast. It was like eating cake for breakfast, or pizza. Which she had seen Jake eat both of those for breakfast before (at the same time), so she was used to it by now. Used to it was the wrong word. She was addicted to it by now. Addicted to him by now. And she was more than okay with that.

"Besides, you know my dating history," she pointed out. "I have dated too many Orangina guys before I realized that the only orange soda guy I know is the only one I'm gonna be happy with."

"Took you long enough," Jake smirked, and she rolled her eyes just as usual.

* * *

"Thanks for saying that stuff earlier. The soda stuff. And the talking. It was nice. So... thanks," Jake told her earnestly with a smidge of embarrassment later in the day. He was chewing on the inside of his cheek as a nervous habit, cause he knew he needed to say something more about it. Needed to thank her. Something.

He loved Amy. And he knew she loved him.

She had gotten onto him about it before, how if he would ever just tell her if something was bothering him she wouldn't be stuck guessing all the time. A lot of times he was left guessing too, what was bothering him- nagging at the back of his mind until he figured out what it was. But Amy helped him figure it out. Kinda forced him into processing stuff and admitting that something was bothering him even if he would much rather pretend and and go on lying to himself that he was completely fine.

He loved that about her. He needed that. He needed that in someone he loved, and he needed that in someone who loved him. How she wouldn't let him run away from serious stuff, but she stayed with him too. She wouldn't let him run away and kept him by her side.

It reminded him a bit of something Holt said to him years back when he still called 'the new captain' rather than just captain. About the Podolski kid getting away with everything, including spray painting dicks on squad cars.

Jake was saying he was lucky that he never got in trouble cause his deputy commissioner dad would swoop in and save the day. And Holt said some stuff about how he felt bad for Trevor cause his dad didn't even care enough to help him stop screwing up, and just let him keep screwing up again and again and not even bothering to let the kid know that he was being a jerk and show him how to be a good person.

It sounded like total BS to Jake at the time, cause anytime someone adopted that parental tone and talked about the value of learning lessons and building character yada yada ya he never really cared enough to pay attention.

But he got it now.

Jake pretty much constantly screwed up ever since he was a kid. And when he was a kid if he was screwing up in school he'd get 'lessons', get in trouble, and get corrected. So from a very early age he'd been adverse to learning any sort of educational or life lessons. But, within the past few years, he'd come to realized that lessons weren't so bad- and the only reason he hated them so much was cause he had awful teachers. Awful life teachers. He had some good school teachers over the years, but most of the adults he knew were awful at teaching life lessons.

Cause teaching wasn't supposed to be about making a person stop doing something wrong. It was about helping them do it right.

It took him awhile to realize that Holt was the helping kind of teacher, and not the making kind of teacher. And it took him even longer to accept the help from him.

But he got there.

Amy was the help kind of teacher too.

As much as Jake would've loved to take credit for the sudden influx of maturity and just argue that he was a late bloomer when it came to acting his age-ish, he was pretty sure it wasn't a coincidence that nothing meaningful or really of any importance at all happened between him and Santiago before Holt came to the nine nine. Jake and Amy had been partners for almost nine years when the captain came on the scene. And nothing even remotely encouraging a romantic-stylez relationship happened in those nine years. Jake was about a billion times less mature when it came to dealing with problems, a horrible secondary (he was an adequate to good secondary now, which was a major improvement), and he wasn't even that good of a friend most of the time.

Now, he didn't like who he used to be. Even when he used to be that person he didn't like who he was. But he had a lot of help to get him to where he was now.

For the first nine years he knew Amy, he wouldn't accept help from anyone. For the first nine years he knew Amy, he wouldn't have accepted help from Amy even if she tried.

And when Captain Holt came on the scene, Jake still wouldn't accept help from anybody. And Holt got him to the point where he was actually able to accept help from people. If he was still closed off and blocked everybody else out like he used to do, he knew he wouldn't be here with Amy now.

He still wasn't the greatest at accepting help, but he was actually capable of doing it now, when before it was impossible.

Amy helped him now. She helped him get better at accepting help so she could just help him some more. He loved her. He loved that she helped him, and he loved that she stayed. That she was still with him and helping him and loving him all at the same time.

And he liked that he was a person who she thought deserved her help. Cause fathers could let sons get away with all sorts of crap, but that was a relationship that had an obligation. Captains and detectives, that was still and employee/employer relationship to begin with. Holt was more of family now (the whole nine nine was family in their weird way) but in the beginning the basis of their relationship was employee and employer.

Holt went beyond employer level of effort, so that's why he was family.

But Amy was his girlfriend. She chose to be his girlfriend. She wanted to be his girlfriend.

Dads don't get to choose who their sons are, and captains don't get to choose who their detectives are.

But girlfriends do choose who their boyfriends are, and Amy chose him. She wanted him.

Even when she knew what a mess he was, even when she knew all his issues, she still wanted him. Even when she had to deal with her boyfriend being a total mess, she still wanted him to be her boyfriend. She wanted to deal with his mess on a boyfriend-girlfriend level of intensiveness, not just friends or coworkers like they used to be. Cause she loved him. She helped him. She thought he was worth it.

When Jake had actually worked up to the point of saying serious and emotionally mature stuff to her she was curled up on the couch doing a crossword in a puzzle book to occupy her mind. Cause she actually enjoyed doing word puzzles in her free time, so he was chewing on his cheek and thanking her while she was in the middle of solving one and would probably lose her train of thought if she looked up at him.

"No problem. Just let me know next time you're having soda thoughts and I'll remind you again," Amy smiled still focusing on the page.

He sat down next to her and placed his hand over hers to get her attention, and when she looked up her eyebrows knit together in confusion and concern at the serious look on his face.

"No, really. Thank you. For being here. With me. And helping me be happy. Thank you. Thanks for putting up with soda metaphors, and issues, and talking, and talking about issues, and literally everything you do for me. And I meant what I said about how I hope you never stop. All the soda metaphors and the talking about issues that I suck at, I hope you never stop doing that. And the love stuff. Thanks for that. Thanks for loving me. Thank you."

He got to watch how her face changed with every passing word he said. When her eyes softened, and she looked at him like he was the most amazing thing she had ever seen. He loved Amy's eyes. They were beautiful. Even when her eyes started watering at the end of his speech, they were still so warm and so, so bright.

When she hugged him all of the sudden she didn't take the time to set down her crossword puzzle like she always did (even if there was a fire alarm she would carefully set it down on the table before making a calm and orderly exit down the fire escape). She just let it fall to the floor along with her pencil when she hugged him.

And he hugged her back and chuckled at her sudden and slightly absurd reaction, but he didn't mind it at all.

When she pulled back she looked beyond worried and Jake was wondering if he managed to screw this up too, even though he thought he did really well, but her expression was a mix bordering on concern and horror because apparently he sucked at talking even more than he ever realized to cause this reaction. Damn, he thought he did good that time.

"You're not dying, are you?" Amy asked with a voice filled with dread.

"What? Of course I'm not dying! Why would you think I'm dying?"

"That sounded like a deathbed confession. I thought this morning was a major breakthrough in you actually talking for once. But what you said just now plus this morning, that's terminally ill level of emotional expression coming from Jake Peralta. You sure you're alright?" She asked warily and gave him a once over checking for any bruising or jaundice or whatever else would be visible symptoms of a terminal disease she could diagnose just by looking at him.

"Amy, I'm _fine,"_ he assured her but he could tell she wasn't convinced, even though he had emphasized the word _fine_ pretty dang hard. "I just wanted to tell you. Cause I should really tell you stuff like that more often. How you're awesome. But more mature and meaningful words than awesome. I should say serious words a lot more than I actually do, cause you should hear the serious words. And I want to be the person who tells you the serious and meaningful stuff. So I'm working on telling you that kind of stuff more. Trying to at least. Saying serious stuff cause I love you, not cause I'm dying. Though I completely understand why that would be your first assumption. But I swear I'm not dying, and neither is anyone else. Nothing bad, I swear. I promise nothing's wrong. Pretty much everything's right. That's why a lot of emotional talking in a 24 hour period. Cause everything's right."

"Promise?" She eyed him still doubtful of his claim of a clean bill of health.

"I promise, you weirdo."

* * *

For the rest of the day Amy kept covertly checking all his vital signs anyway she could. She actually took his freaking pulse to make sure that he really was physically healthy and not just covering up that he knew he was gonna drop dead by the end of the week.

And knowing himself, her suspicions were totally justified, so he didn't really mind. That's how bad he was at talking, that it was actually reasonable for his girlfriend to assume he was going to die for saying really meaningful deep stuff of his own free will. Yup, he was gonna work on that. Saying stuff often enough so it wouldn't be a question of him possibly dying for him to open up for once.

But he had a good person to help him with it. A good teacher.

He was more than willing to accept life lessons from Amy. Accepting her helping him, teaching him, loving him.

He was good with that. That made him very, very happy.

* * *

 **AN: Thank you for patience regarding my ongoing multichapter fics, I appreciate it. And thank you for for favorites, follows, and reviews. I very much appreciate those too :)**


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